Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder Woe & Wtf?!

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These stories are as varied as the moms who will read them. Regardless of whether you are in a Wonder, Woe or WTF?! stage of motherhood, you’ll find a tale in here that is perfect for you.

Mom’s Night Out is set to have a new theme this summer with Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! This story collection consists of thirty-seven relatable tales of motherhood, each accompanied by an easy-to-make martini recipe inspired by the tales themselves.

Shannon Day of Tipsy Squirrel Press explains, “When it comes to motherhood, so often it’s our fellow mom-friends that support us on our journey. We laugh together and cry together, and when we need to be reminded that we are in fact normal, we can count on them. The book is filled with the kinds of tales that we like to share on a Mom’s Night Out (or in). They will make you laugh, cry, and realize that you’re in good company. The martinis are a fun way to celebrate the many toast-worthy moments of motherhood.”

Available today to purchase in both print and Kindle versions.

 

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Team Wonder
Lynn Morrison nomadmomdiary.com
Angila Peters detachedfromlogic.com
Magnolia Ripkin magnoliaripkin.com
Louise Gleeson latenightplays.com
Jocelyn Pihlaja omightycrisis.com.com
Alison Huff crumbsdown.com
Leigh-Mary Barone Hoffmann happilyeverlaughterblog.com
Shannon Drury theradicalhousewife.com
Patricia Mirchandani raising-humans.com
Lauren Stevens lo-wren.com
Cordelia Newlin de Rojas multilingualmama.com
Sarah Deveau doingallthethings.com

Team Woe
Shannon Day martinisandmotherhood.com
Tara Wilson dontlickthedeck.com
Vicki Lesage vickilesage.com
Abby the Writer littlemissperfect.com
Brooke Takhar missteenussr.com
Kate Parlin shakespearesmom.com
Christina Antus, That’s me!!!!
Jennifer Baird-Dean thechiofjen.com
Sara Park crcrsmommyblog.com
Tamara Schroeder thattamiam.com
Kristen Hansen Brakeman kristenbrakeman.com
Lori Lu Green LeRoy theinadequateconception.com
Carolyn Mackenzie

Team WTF
Susanne Kerns thedustyparachute.com
Sarah Halsall del Rio established1975.com
Lisa Webb canadianexpatmom.com
Jessica D’Andrea Kapp jesskapp.com
Kim McDonald twobugsandablog.com
Lisa Carmody Doiron momologues-soliloquies.com
Olga Mecking europeanmama.com
Holly Rust mothersguidetosanity.com
Kathryn Leehane foxywinepocket.com
Jill Hudkins Robbins rippedjeansandbifocals.com
Kristine Laco mumrevised.com
Andrea Mulder-Slater noreallyandrea.com

The Ten Commandments of Traveling With Toddlers

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1. Thou shalt ask thy parents if we are there yet, forty million times in the first thirty seconds of the trip.

2. Thou shalt not covet thy sister’s My Little Pony until the vehicle is going 75 miles per hour in the rain surrounded by very large trucks hauling flammable fuel tanks.

3. Thou shalt ask for a drink five minutes after Mommy asks if you want a drink and you say no. After mommy climbs back into her seat and you hear the seat belt snap, immediately ask for a drink.

Read the rest over at Mom Babble >>

The Truth About Toddlers

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Most people don’t know how to explain the bizarre realities of toddlers. Kind of like how most people don’t know how to explain almost anything Lady Gaga wears.

Sure, we all like to think we know toddlers, but we don’t. Every day is a learning experience where each parent is schooled, by their toddler, on the realities of toddlerhood. Here’s what I’ve learned in the last three years:

  1. My bra strap has become stretched beyond usefulness. This is because my toddlers hang onto it like a lifeline. A walk from the kitchen to the bathroom is equivalent to a mechanical bull ride. Same with my shirt collars—every shirt is an over-exaggerated scoop neck.
  2. They don’t care. They can go an entire day with both legs in the same leg hole of their underwear, pants, or shorts and walk around like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
  3. They’re Limitless. Setting a limit on how much toilet paper to use while potty training is pointless. I’ve learned just to hand them the roll before going to get the plunger.
  4. Toddlers are eager to help. I take advantage of someone who is so excited about tossing laundry into the dryer. Of course, laundry tossing turns into exactly that: tossing laundry. They throw wet socks up in the air like it’s piles of cash.
  5. They love to Splash. My kids must reenact the breech of a humpback whale as soon as they get into the bathtub. Because without several gallons of water all over the floor, they simply cannot bathe.
  6. They like to do everything. Their attention span is so small that we often do 40 different activities in less than four minutes.
  7. They will step on me to get past me. Not around me. Not over me. On me. And they pinch leg or arm fat along the way. Every. Single. Time.
  8. The art of teamwork. My husband and I have worked together diligently, with a bulb syringe and a flashlight, to extract play-doh from our toddler’s ear.
  9. They do weird things. I’ve had to tell my child to quit biting my toes. More than twice.
  10. Silence is not golden. The only thing more frightening than silence and toddlers is silence and the sound of something heavy being dragged across the floor.

So there you have it.

I don’t make the rules about why toddlers do what they do. I’ll never understand them. Though I’ve learned enough to arm myself with knowledge to protect my floors and bra straps, the truth is I’ve probably got a better shot at understanding why Lady Gaga wears what she wears.

Pilates

image source via Self.com

image source via Self.com

I’ve always wanted to try Pilates. Last week I had my chance to do a 30-minute session in the comfort of my own home. Soothed by the relaxing sounds of toddlers mooing and crawling around the carpet next to me. Because that’s exactly what cows do. They moo and crawl.

Anyway, I discovered a few things about myself, besides having an incredible tolerance for repetitive mooing sounds, mooed in various pitches. Also:

  1. I’m not strong. My body isn’t meant to fold in half.
  2. Planking is a very real thing that hinders your ability to eat a cupcake.
  3. The last time I was able to lift my leg that high was when I was four months old.
  4. I don’t like Pilates.
  5. A 400-year old oak tree trunk has more flexibility than I do.
  6. Pilates is not physically possible.
  7. Cupcakes would never ask this of me.
  8. I’ve never seen the human body do any of these things in real life. Except by my two-year-old.
  9. The only way I can do this move is if I put a super strong magnet on my stomach and a piece of metal in my shoe.
  10. Pilates was so much more enticing when I thought it was a French dessert.

I didn’t say what I learned was deep and insightful. Maybe my kids are right. Mooing and crawling around in the carpet seems like a much more fun way to burn off breakfast. And that cupcake I ate, instead of planking.

© Copyright Christina Antus, 2015.

Love. Love will keep us together. Or Cabelas. Probably Cabelas.

Image source: 101 Things to do.com

Image source: 101 Things to do.com

Husband: We got an invitation to get into the Cabelas grand opening two days early.

Me: Is it because I spend so much on my Cabela’s Visa?

Husband: Probably.

Me: You’re welcome.

Husband: I need you and your card to get in.

Me: Have fun doing baths for the next week.

Erma Bombeck once said that it isn’t what a couple has in common that keeps a marriage together, but what they don’t have in common.

For example, I hate basketball. But, if a game is on I’ll gladly read a book while my husband watches his games. In the same room. This obviously avoids the issue of me wanting to watch something else. Or worse, me knowing a ton about basketball and throwing an empty chip bowl at the cat when a player misses a rebound—or whatever disappointing things they do in basketball.

What can I say? I’m a giver.

Every fall my husband goes Elk hunting, and I’m perfectly fine with that because:

  • I don’t hunt.
  • I can barely stand touching raw chicken, let alone gutting a whole animal.
  • Hauling meat up cliffs at an elevation of 14,000 feet sounds like a lot of work. More work than, say, watching Shark Tank and eating popcorn.
  • I get to shower.
  • I don’t hunt.

So, it works out. He gets to grow a big beard and have his man time to smoke cigars and drink beer and do whatever manly, bearded men do. I get to not gut a deer. And eat popcorn.

I used to think that it would be fun to have everything in common with a spouse. But then, I think about the time I caught my first fish. I refused to take it off the line because it was slimy. And I didn’t want to touch it because it was gross. My husband stated that unhooking the fish was part of fishing. When I got close to the pole to try, the fish slapped my ear, and I never fished again.

I feel both of us hunting would be similar to that experience. We’d have different ways of gutting a deer. His way would be to gut it properly. Mine would be to go to the first place in the area that sells venison. Cooked.

We do have Cabelas in common. We both like Cabelas. He gets to look at the hunting and fishing stuff. I like having a Cabelas credit card. I earn points whenever and wherever I use it. That’s free money to spend at Cabelas.

I get to shop.

He gets to spend.

No deers have to be disemboweled. Not by me, anyway.

And I still get to eat popcorn.

© Copyright Christina Antus, 2015.